Dear Erik: On December 12th, wrote “Professional Courtesy” about a friend who asked for a letter of recommendation and then edited it without the letter writer’s knowledge. The letter writer wrote: “I told him he could edit it and expected him to send me the edited version.”
Professional courtesy could provide clear expectations, especially when friendship is at stake. If it was important for professional courtesy that a friend provide input, then a simple note accompanying the proposal might do, such as:
“As a courtesy, I am sending you a draft letter of recommendation. Please feel free to send me any corrections or additions and I will take them into consideration before finalizing my letter.”
Hopefully this advice can help Professional Courtesy mend their friendship or help with future referral writing requests.
– Recommendation for the Recommender
Dear recommendation: Yes! Clear expectations and clearer communication all around could have saved everyone a lot of trouble. Even in a blind referral process, it is crucial for both parties to be informed about the objectives of the letter, the applicant’s self-assessment, and the recommender’s comfort level vouching for various skills and competencies.
Interestingly, but not surprisingly, the responses to this letter reflected a wide range of practices surrounding letters of recommendation. It is fair to say that there are different standards in different industries. All the more reason for letter writers and letter applicants to report to each other so that no one gets hurt, and more importantly, so that the application process is more likely to yield the desired outcome: a job offer.
Send inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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