Dear Erik: I recently decided not to attend a holiday gathering with family members I’ve connected with for decades and instead hosted my cousins on the other side of the family, who have been very kind to me over the years. I ended up unhappy.
As soon as I offered, they decided on the menu even though I had already ordered. They then told me what they couldn’t eat and drink and what they would bring.
Well, I got ready and they brought food that I didn’t expect and didn’t arrange. They did not help with any cleaning and did not engage me in conversation. And to make matters worse, he turned on the TV to watch a football match.
My other family hasn’t done this in over 50 years. I’m still steaming. Should I let it pass or just not extend the invitation or accept theirs and continue on my way to the other family. what do you think
– An angry hostess
Dear Hostess: These guests do not seem very kind or grateful at all. Maybe it’s a personality quirk, but it’s fair to expect more. A generous interpretation suggests that they simply felt at home, and their version of “home” has some rough edges that clash with your sense of hospitality.
Either way, it doesn’t seem appropriate for a holiday gathering. But don’t let him hold you in his clutches. Consider it a “live and learn” situation. Next year, you can continue a tradition that works for you. If a cousin extends an invitation, you can gratefully decline and list your other plans. If you have the desire, perhaps suggest an alternative method of connection that is less likely to cause consternation.
Send inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
Leave a Reply