Timmy Greene | Staff photographer
Will you be able to survive without Hebrews selling coffee?

A rumor has been flooding the ENC campus that coffee will no longer be served at Hebrews Café, and through extensive research, the Veritas News is now able to confirm this rumor.

Hebrews Café has quickly become a popular lounge for socializing friends, hardworking homeworkers, students engaged in group projects or meetings, and leisurely late-night caffeine escapades.

Hebrews barista and ENC senior Tom Murphy is often seen tending the counter and conversing with the customers. What will this shift from coffee-centered to coffee-less make of Hebrews?

“Turmoil,” answers Murphy.

“I feel that this is a poor decision since the school runs on Hebrews,” he explains. “The caffeine and coffee addicts will be very upset, and as a result, working [at Hebrews] will be extremely boring and scary. People will yell at me asking where the coffee is and I will be threatened, which will cause me to fear going to work, and therefore, I won’t be able to perform my job to serve the people beverages.”

It is obvious that students have cause for concern, and this talk has sparked debate about the specific reasons why these changes are being made.

Junior Melanie Marchetti believes the decision to stop selling coffee was caused by “the drug lords having taken over the coffee industry, and ENC doesn’t want to support that.”

She is concerned about the change, though.

“I feel anxious; like, where am I going to get my caffeine? I’m shaking as I’m thinking about how I’m not going to be able to have coffee.”

As a barista, Tom Murphy has come to believe that, “coffee is a drug and science has proven that it is highly addictive and creates dependency.”

On the opposite end of the opinion spectrum stands senior Wesley Paul, who notes that he didn’t vote for Governor Romney or Presidet Obama. “I’m fine with it,” he says of the change. “I get my caffeine from pills that I buy at CVS.”

“I feel like coffee is very fattening,” Paul continues, “but with caffeine pills you can take them with whatever drink you want—a juice drink of some sort. It’s much better than diluting it with a mixed coffee drink.”

Sophomore Emma Thies, though, isn’t taking the decision nearly as well.

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” she subtly declares. “Literally, Starbucks is known for making coffee, and if they don’t have coffee, then life is over. Simple as that.”

This is surely a travesty and every travesty needs a hero—and that hero is senior Bill Stiffler.

“I’ll brew my coffee super strong and carry around [60] shots of espresso all day,” states a determined and optimistic Stiffler.“That way, whoever needs coffee will be able to have their fix.”

Caffeine adversaries and activists should be proud of Stiffler’s audacity and hard work. The world of coffee will live on in those who follow in his footsteps.